“It is always worth it” 

I have recently been on a weight loss journey which to me seems to be an extremely difficult road.  Self control when it comes to food is as tough to moderate as anything I have had to control before.  Food is my addiction but, with the help of Weight Watchers I am managing. to rid myself of the impulsive eating and regaining a hold on my health.  I have lost 40 pounds and am working out for no less than 45 minutes for four or more  days a week.  At times, I say to myself, “This is too hard” , “I feel Cheated” or “is it all worth it?”

WAKE UP CALL!
What a pathetic whiner!  Yes it is difficult because I have been spoiling, coddling, indulging myself and nurturing my Psyche with food for the last 10 years.  All thinks Sweet, Creamy and filled with Fat.  I have moaned when I had to walk up a flight of stairs.  Now I can run a treadmill at my homes 10,000 foot elevation for an hour and barely break a sweat.  Yes, It did not kill me. It made me stronger. but,  I do believe we are only tempered by the degree of the trials that are put in front of us. 

“This is too hard”

This is a phrase that I never heard from my sister when she was fighting Breast Cancer.  She accepted that the stage 4 non hormonal cancer might not be curable.  The Doctors insisted she was in denial but she told me that if she fought as hard as it was possible and lost the fight she could go in peace knowing it was her time to join our Grandmother.  She also believed that her fight might inspire her family to do the same if they ever got sick.  The last year of her life was a lesson in strength.  There is truth in the phrase” God only gives you that which you can handle”  When it was her time to go she called me and  as easily as saying “want to have a cup of coffee?” she told me she was checking into the hospice and that I would not be speaking to her again as she was going to die.  I hardly believed her but she was clear and firm in her tone so there was no argument.  Her last request was directed at me when she asked me “Do not come to my service if I die.  I am asking you as earnestly as I can right now.  I need you to promise me you will not make the (4 hours at that time) trip.  I saw you a few weeks ago and you and I said our goodbyes.  Please remember me that way”  I was pregnant and had a history of miscarriages and know that she was only concerned about my health.    She had informed her husband before going into the hospice that I was losing my baby and that she would be there to meet her in heaven.   I miscarried my baby the next morning 1 hour before DeNece died.  She walked out of this world on her terms.

“I feel Cheated”

I want Ice Cream or that Rib Eye steak.  I cannot have it I used to get a bit depressed.  Until I spoke with a very dear friends son who is an ex soldier and vet.

I have a friend whose son completed 4 tours in Afghanistan and Iraq.  During that time he saw his entire platoon blown up by a land mine only to return to duty a few months later with only minor injuries.  He was then caught in fire and brought out of danger, a wounded friend.   When he was finally released, I saw him a month later.  I was greeted with a smile and a huge hug.  I asked him how he could be doing so well with what he had been though.  He stated “I have lost those I served with and I have seen some of the ugliest in mankind.  My heart is a mansion and this is only one room.  The door will remain open  so I can look upon it from time to time and realize how blessed I truly am.  I have a beautiful life, I am healthy and surrounded by light and love and my life has unlimited possibilities.  I can now see clearly that I am capable of doing anything I ever want to.  I refuse to lock myself in that room with the horror and become  a part of it.  It served it’s purpose and I am stronger and blessed because of this chapter that is a part of who I am but will not define me.”  

“Is it all worth it?”

My Grandfather once told me there are many things I would have liked to do different if I could go back in time but as that is not possible.  My one piece of advice would be to remember  It is always worth it. 

My friend just underwent her 3^rd and 4^th Neck surgery.  She will be much healthier when she is healed.  I think she would say it is worth it. 

Our family friend Adrianne is fighting Stage 4 Cancer that has spread to her iver.  She keeps fighting for her life and her children.  They are worth her effort.  It is worth it.


My heart has been broken by the death of a man I deeply loved, I have had two failed pregnancies, one with a set of twins that the eggs were donated by my sister and one from a pregnancy immediately after my first pregnancy misscarried (Lost the same day as my Sister).  These losses tore at my heart as did the two failed attempts at Invito-Fertilization and a year of work on adoption paperwork.  I have learned from the love and these losses.  But I now have a beautiful child, thanks to the kindness and extreme generosity of his birth Mother being willing to carry this child for me.  With the renewed strength of my soul, I am re-gaining my health, youth and spiritual connection.  Joy is flooding back into my life and I can only thnk the process of life for tempering me.   It is always worth it.